A Vision Of Who I Am
This painting is called "Strong And Silent". It's about the power of just being who you are.
When my husband and I were on our road trip to Banff recently, something happened to my eyes. For days they had been feeling tired and burning and super sensitive to the light. I was wearing sunglasses over my sunglasses and feeling amazed by the chrome-filter-like colors I was seeing. Then one night, I had a vision.
My eyes were closed, and I was giving my husband some Reiki (Universal Love) when I saw my whole life story and the meaning behind all the steps I have taken to get to this point. I saw who I am and what I am to do with the rest of my life, and surprise, surprise... it isn't painting.
Of course, painting is a part of it. I would never give up the solitude of being in my studio, the companionship of the magic of the painting process, or the fun of seeing and being in love with the finished pieces. Being in my studio is where I connect with what is so important to me: Creation, Communication and Love. Which brings me back to what I am to do with the rest of my life.
It's actually not about "doing". It's about "be-ing". I've spent my decades doing all the things I needed to do to get to this place where I can now just be who I am at my deepest core - a powerful, magical, female creator, communicator and seer who, with the help of my companions, mind, heart and soul, can be a source of inspiration to others. I''ve know that about myself for some time, but what I didn't know was the second part of the vision. In the second part I saw that if I will fully embody who I am, 24/7, then everything in my life will rightfully fall into place.
Considering we live in a world of troubling projections of fear and ignorance, embodying my deepest core self 24/7 sounds challenging. At the same time it also sounds really fun to live in integrity with a personal prophecy and see things fall into place with less effort. Making things right in myself makes room for things to get right for other people, so what choice do I have except to go for it?
Since I had this awakening vision, colors and light are brighter and clearer than before. I feel more at ease - my general sense of anxiety has lessened. My eyes are still bothering me some, but I understand now that my vision in expanding in new ways. This will undoubtedly will have a significant impact on my painting. I've been feeling like a big new shift is coming to my painting, so now I just get to watch it unfold. How cool will that be?
Five years ago, my husband and I went to Lake Tahoe. Our lodging was literally sitting on the side of a mountain. High on that mountain, I received a deep knowing that what I had come into the world to do with my life, up to that point was complete. That karma was complete. It was a startling discovery and made me ask myself -
"Where do I go from here? "
Here's what I did:
1. I started my retirement from teaching.
2. I started re-thinking what I wanted from a long-term marriage.
3. I started thinking of myself as an "artist", and hoped to make a part-time living as one.
4. I made the last glass mosaics I wanted to make.
5. I started painting.
A couple weeks ago we took off on a road trip to Banff. I'd always wanted to go there, but hadn't been there before. A week ago yesterday, my Lake Tahoe experience was revisited. This time, high in the Canadian Rockies, I received a crystal clear understanding of the story of my life, accompanied by an introduction to how the next phase of my life journey can go.
It can go like this:
1. I use all the wisdom and magic that I've been given.
2. I understand the role my husband and I play in each other's lives, appreciate and enjoy it.
3. Instead of making a part-time living as an artist, I make a life that I love.
Going to the mountains gave me a new perspective from which to see a bigger picture of who I am and how everything can fall into place to create the life I want to live. Where this takes my painting, I don't know, but I know it will be somewhere I haven't been to yet. I'll be traveling.